Fiona Irvine’s experience of 1:1 coaching with Cheryl Thornton
I’ve worked in HR for over 20 years in a variety of organisations and I’m currently Head of People and Culture in the Biotech sector.
When I had my daughter and the demands on my time became more challenging, juggling a demanding, busy role that I wanted to succeed in alongside trying to be the best parent I could, I realised I would benefit from some professional help to unpack everything I was starting to feel overwhelmed by.
As is often the case with HR professionals, although I’d done a lot of coach training through my HR career to help me support the people I was working with, I hadn’t invested in my own wellbeing and was feeling unfit and unhealthy.
I’d experimented with coaching in the past, but I hadn’t really connected with anyone – I’ve got really high expectations of a coaching relationship and I’d find myself thinking I could have done a better job myself! But I was ready to give coaching another go when I met Cheryl at a networking event.
I was impressed by her credentials, and how she came across, and I had a feeling that we would work well together. I also liked the fact that Cheryl’s career background was in HR, so I knew that she would understand the challenges I face as an HR professional.
Cheryl’s service
Cheryl is a leadership coach, and she facilitates group programmes too. She provides an all-round service, coaching with thought-provoking probing and encouraging you to be resourceful, all with the focus on helping you to get to where you need to be.
Sometimes, she provides mentoring, and she was really clear when we were stepping into that space, asking me if I’d like her to give me guidance on situations that she had experienced before and could bring to the table.
Getting started
I signed up for a course of six sessions and Cheryl was really good at helping me to articulate and identify what I wanted to get out of these sessions, as at first it was hard for me to be more specific than “I just want to be happy”.
She was able to get underneath that and find out what it was that I wanted to spend more time on and what was preventing me from doing that. What limitations was I putting on myself? Was I putting up barriers? She challenged me on why I couldn’t do what I wanted. Cheryl helped me to think clearly about what I wanted to get out of coaching, asking the right questions to get my brain working in the right way.
And then she’d reflect back: “Is that important?” and “Is that what you’re trying to say?”
How was I going to be successful at work and have everything else I wanted too?
When Cheryl probed me about the changes I wanted to see, I knew I wanted to work with the kind of organisation that would mirror my values, in a role that I wanted to succeed at.
But that, at the same time, it was about balancing my career with meeting my other needs in life – being the best mum I could be, making time for my friends and for exercise. Things that had always been really important to me but that I wasn’t getting around to.
We worked through what I would be willing to give away in terms of my career, in order to satisfy these other areas where I didn’t feel I was fully happy with where I was at.
The end result
By the end of my 1:1 coaching sessions with Cheryl, I felt that I’d come away with more than I expected.
It led to me getting a new job that was aligned with my values, that I’m really happy with. I was intentional with my behaviours from day one, and the tools Cheryl gave me enabled me to be aware of my priorities and my boundaries.
Knowing that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes and giving yourself the power and permission to make the right choices for you has been quite the breakthrough!
The coaching gave me a lot of skills that I’ve now embedded and use automatically without even realising it.
I’ve become more disciplined with my time. I’m now more aware of making conscious choices about when I choose to sacrifice some of my personal time for work, but I feel much clearer about how I approach things and I challenge my mindset when I feel myself slipping into old, negative habits and thinking.
Working with Cheryl
Working with Cheryl has been a real game changer. She’s a great listener. She’s always fully present and she’s good at steering you to stay focused. She encourages you to think about the questions, and she recognises where you might feel stumped and when she needs to give you space, or to change direction to help you ‘get there’ with your thinking.
Cheryl knows when to switch between coaching and mentoring and, having worked in similar HR roles, she understands the common issues we face. Sharing her own, real-life experiences was a really helpful and authentic way for her to give me practical advice.
With other coaches, I’d felt there was a barrier between us, and that their approach was very methodical and ‘coaching by numbers’.
Working with Cheryl was more flexible and adaptive to my needs. She would get a sense of the mood on the day, or might circle back to something we talked about two sessions ago that she thought was relevant. It was helpful when she would point out something I hadn’t connected.
She has given me the skills to hold my boundaries, to be honest about what’s important to me, and to be confident in being transparent with my managers and my team, for example leaving to pick up my daughter without feeling guilty.
I feel more energised and take on more, but it feels different to before, when I felt pulled in different directions and was taking on too much. I’m now making positive choices that work for me. I’m not getting in a negative head space, wasting my energy worrying about the fear of failure.
I’m getting more done and I’m enjoying it.
A recent big opportunity to expand my role probably wouldn’t have happened without my coaching sessions with Cheryl shifting my mindset and enabling me to manage myself in the right way.
Another valuable benefit of my coaching with Cheryl is how it helped me to advocate for myself. As HR professionals, we’re great at doing that for others but not so much for ourselves.
You should try it!
If anyone’s feeling overwhelmed, or running around that hamster wheel, not knowing which way is up, I’d really recommend that they have a chat with Cheryl to talk through how they feel and see how she could help.
Because we’ve had a lot of training in our HR roles, we feel we should know it all and can sort ourselves out, but it doesn’t work that way.
You need an external person, a coach like Cheryl, to challenge you and to nudge you to think in a different way and jolt you out of your established thinking pattern.
Like a personal trainer says they can’t do the exercise for you, you have to put the work in. It doesn’t come easy and your coach doesn’t have a magic wand. It takes hard work and a lot of effort – as Cheryl says, you need to exercise your brain just like your muscles – but it’s so worth it.
I’d also say to people not to be put off by the challenge. You don’t have to achieve a huge change overnight, it’s a process that happens incrementally.
Working with Cheryl has had a huge positive impact in my life. I’m really grateful to her and would recommend anyone to go for it!
